Diva's Letter
A letter from Diva
On the 29th of January 2010 my perspective on life changed forever.....
That was the day my little brother decided that his life was too hard, difficult and painful to continue. In the first few weeks after his death (although my logical head kept telling me it was impossible) I kept waiting for someone to step forward and make everything ok again. Surely this was a joke right?? Pete was going to come home with a massive hangover right?? That kind, gentle, quiet, smiley, shy, thoughtful little brother of mine was going to be around forever right??? Wrong.
The five days that Pete was missing were the worst days of my life. I have never felt such despair and helplessness. To have it over such a sustained period was exhausting, I watched my whole family deteriorate in front of my eyes with every passing hour. We had a wonderful support group of friends and extended family who rallied round and helped to keep us going by keeping us fed and helping in our search. But as each night drew in we knew our chances of a happy outcome were diminishing. The first day that he was missing we found the most frustrating - the police had all available officers searching for him but that just wasn't enough for the terrain. We often say "its a small world" but let me assure you, when your looking for a five foot six, eight stone, 24 year old in rural Cornwall, the world is massive.
On the second day the cavalry arrived. The Cornwall Search and Rescue Team and the North Dartmoor Search and Rescue Team. Just seeing them arrive in their droves, setting up their vans and radio systems gave us the much needed reassurance that everything that could be done was being done. I must confess that at that point I couldn't care less who they were and where they had come from. One thing and one thing only was driving me and that was finding Pete. I discovered after that the teams in total searched a massive area surrounding where Pete had last been seen. This area included rivers, woods, train tracks, farmland and the weather at the time was horrific, deep snow, rain and hail storms, constant freezing temperatures. However, for as long as the police needed them to help search, they came, from first light till dark. They weren't successful in finding Pete, he had concealed himself in a place none of us would have ever connected him too, to spare us, his family the trauma of finding him ourselves.
Throughout Devon and Cornwall these teams are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They are all volunteers who buy their own equipment. They don't have a rota system; they all get called out to every job. They have no central funding for their equipment. However, in any rescue situation, from missing people to stranded people, in the two counties they are the first point of contact for the police. They are a 999 service.
In the first days, weeks and months following Pete's death it was hard enough for the adults in our family to come to terms with and understand. When coping with any bereavement it is difficult to handle your own feelings let alone try to assist any children that may be affected. I was conscious that just as each of my children were unique personalities, they had each shared a different relationship with Pete and were each reacting in different ways.
I felt ill equipped how to explain what had happened and how to answer their questions. Thank goodness for my GP referring me to Balloons From the first point of contact until this very day I have felt that the Balloons team have placed their very strong arms around my family and guided us through the darkest days.
I received expert and practical advice on how to deal with questions and reactive behaviour. My children received one to one counselling, the opportunity to meet other children in a similar situation to them but also some fun activities to help them understand that its ok for life to "go on".
I couldn't put a price on the help and support that my family has received from Balloons, however everything costs something and although Balloons is a charity and does provide their service for free they, as well as the rescue team, are reliant on donations.
I can't have my little brother back, my Mum can't have her son back but what we can do with your help is help ensure that the Search and Rescue Team and Balloons have the funding to continue their valuable work and assist other families when they need it the most.
Many people have helped the Dragons raise money by climbing huge mountains, cycling, bungee jumping, supporting the cycling, having their backs waxed, sponsoring various Dragons in their mad challenges, donating items for raffles, donating items for car boots, donating their time, buying our goods and raffle tickets.................there are too many to name but please be rest assured that we Remember and Appreciate you all.
We hope that we will continue to have your support in any way that you are able as we continue in our aim to assist these extremely worthy organisations.
Love Diva x x
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